Tough Love
As a young adult, I was a conservatory counselor at Camp Grandview for four summers. Looking back to those days, I can clearly see how that time taught me so much and even informed how I view the world today. Often, the lessons learned came from the campers, who impacted the staff in unnoticed ways.
One summer, we were without an officer of the week, which led our divisional music director (DMD) to ask the counselors to lead the daily Bible study. The male counselors would instruct the boys, while female counselors taught the girls. On the first day, my co-counselors and I conducted an in-depth Bible study that lasted all of ten minutes. We thought the guys could hang out in the cabin for the remainder of the hour while we played video games in the counselors’ room. When our DMD came to the cabin to check in on the Bible study, he was furious. We had squandered the most important moments of the day. We vehemently apologized and promised to do better the next day.
The next morning, following breakfast, I marched our group to the valley beside the dining room and had everyone sit in the grass. I had an idea. I was going to share the greatest sermon ever delivered, the Sermon on the Mount (Matthew 5–7). Surely, this would take up the full hour. Opening my Bible, I started to read the words of Jesus, pausing to discuss the passage. I vividly remember one particular question a camper asked. I read the words, “If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also,” (Matthew 5:39), and I saw a hand shoot up. “Mr. Josh, does that mean if someone hits me in the face, I should let them hit me again?” I suggested that he nailed the intent of the scripture perfectly, to which he responded, “I don’t think that’s right. My dad taught me if someone hits me, I’m supposed to hit him back.” I explained that Jesus also taught us to love our enemies and pray for people who are mean to us. He looked at me, puzzled, “I don’t think I can do that.”
It wasn’t that he hadn’t understood the scripture. Comprehension was easy. It is a simple command. Turn the other cheek. Love your enemies. Pray for people who hate you. The following day, a fight broke out on the basketball court, and I stepped in to intervene. Separating the boys, I realized one of the combatants was my inquisitive camper. He had not heeded the words of Jesus. He was right. When someone slapped him on one cheek, he slapped back. Love is easy to understand, difficult to put into practice.
Love leads us to an internal struggle. Is it nature or nurture that keeps us from loving? Often it is both. We are taught an eye for an eye, and that teaching matches our instincts. This is what makes Jesus’ command to love so difficult. It is counter-cultural, counterintuitive, and feels wrong to our sensibilities. Yet it is still Jesus’ command and the mark of a true believer. As we focus on the territorial priority of LOVE this year, let us rightly consider how difficult love is.
In my first corps appointment, one of the members of my congregation questioned my integrity. “You are a liar, and so are many of the people who go to this church.” Confused, I asked him to clarify. “You all say you love people, but you don’t. I have met some of these people. They are mean. They get on my nerves. They are just tough to love, and those are just the people at the church. I try to love them, but I just don’t. And some of you should admit you don’t either.” Most of what he said was tongue-in-cheek, but he was making a point about the large truth related to love: it is hard enough to love my neighbor; am I really expected to love my enemies?
I think we know the answer; we just don’t like the answer. Jesus is calling us to love — a love that is simple and pure, but not easy. We need the Holy Spirit in us, pouring the love of God out on others.
As we return to our original story of fighting campers, at the end of the week, during the time of commitment in the worship service, I saw two campers praying together at the altar. The same two campers who fought just days earlier had learned to love, forgive, and pray for one another.
Difficult, yes. Tough, absolutely. But not impossible.
Lord, help us to love others as an expression of our love for you. Amen.